


Episode 9: "Your Soul Is So Lonely"

by gaypetersimmonds, spellwatch642



Series: The Valid Project: Season 1 [9]
Category: Original Work, bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo
Genre: Canon Autistic Character, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Character of Color, Canon Gay Character, Canon Jewish Character, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Non-Binary Character, Canon Trans Character, F/M, Gen, Screenplay/Script Format, tw for very very mild comedic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 07:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20327545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypetersimmonds/pseuds/gaypetersimmonds, https://archiveofourown.org/users/spellwatch642/pseuds/spellwatch642
Summary: Since last year's disastrous production of Cats, the drama program at Shoreditch Secondary School has been shit. But this year, new teacher Mx Stenberg is going to try and make a statement by directing a Year 11 production of bare: A Pop Opera.The majority of students of Shoreditch really don't care about the show, but the drama kids are more excited than anything. The few students who end up auditioning aren't exactly the most popular at the school, and they don't all like each other, but that's not going to stop them. The show must go on, even if it means risking everything.





	Episode 9: "Your Soul Is So Lonely"

FADE IN:

INT. SCHOOL HALL - AFTERNOON

QUENTIN grins as they turn the lights on from the other side of the room. Pan to the stage, as LIZ plays the opening to “Wonderland”. The lights go up to reveal the CAST, sitting on and around a classroom table and some school chairs. They are interacting in character, playfully pushing each other around and laughing as some of them try to work at the table.

TAI   
_ Ivy's birthday's in a week _ _   
_ _ I want to get her something mad _

ESTHER   
_ How about a pair of faker boobs? _ _   
_ _ An STD she hasn't had? _

LEXI   
_ You should throw her a surprise! _

NICK   
_ We'll help you make it uppercrust! _

TAI   
_ Yeah, something classy, something small… you'll help? _

ESTHER   
_ Matthew, where's the trust? _ _   
  
_

JORDAN walks out from backstage.

  
JORDAN   
_ Trust for what? _

ESTHER   
_ That you've done smut. _

TAI   
_ Oh, we were talking about the rave! _

NICK   
_ I made the snacks! _

LEXI   
_ I've got the guide! _

JORDAN   
_ I guess we're set _

TAI _   
_ _ We need a ride _

LEXI   
_ The church's van _

ALISTAIR   
_ You have the keys _

TAI   
_ So I should steal it? _

LEXI   
_ Borrow! _

JORDAN   
_ Please? _

JAMES   
_ Why not? _

TAI   
_ Well, where do I begin? _

LEXI   
_ It's all we got _

NICK  
_ One little sin!  
_ _ Come to wonderland where never never finds you _ _   
_ _ For one enchanted night of dreams disguised in swirling lights _ _   
_ _ Ten thousand friends to make an ecstasy of motion _ _   
_ _ You're floating, rolling, free, and life is as it ought to be _

TAI  
_How far away is this rave?_

NICK  
_ Just make sure the tank is full _

LEXI   
_ Just come _

TAI   
_ This map is kinda vague _

NICK  
_ When we're close we'll feel the pull _

JAMES  
_ I have some clothes that you can wear _

TAI  
_ And what is that supposed to mean? _

LEXI  
_ You look like a million bucks _ _   
_ _ Wear something cheaper to the scene _

TAI  
_ There's no way to cross this road _

ALISTAIR   
_ I think the map is upside down _

NICK  
_ Our parents had it easier _ _   
_ _ The disco didn't move around _

LEXI   
_ Yeah, but who can groove to that? _ _   
_ _ And what's with spelling with your hands? _

JORDAN  
_ Did you ever see them rolling? _

STUDENTS   
_ God, they'd never understand _ _   
_ _ Off to wonderland where never never finds you _ _   
_ _ For one enchanted night of dreams disguised in swirling lights _ _   
_ _ Ten thousand friends to make an ecstasy of motion _ _   
_ _ You're floating, rolling, free, and life is as it ought to be _

NICK   
_ Now there's more than one way to feel alive _ _   
_ _ That's why the party never ends _ _   
_ _ Though X is still the treat of choice _ _   
_ _ I brought along some friends _ _   
_ _ Boys and girls, our show today _ _   
_ _ Is brought to you by the letters 'G' and 'K' _

TAI   
What?

NICK   
_ G and K, they are both intense _ _   
_ _ They enhance your X experience _

LEXI  
Professor!

NICK jumps onto a table and begins to imitation white boy rap.

NICK   
_ Exhibit A: _ _   
_ _ 'K'! Sit back, listen and learn _ _   
_ _ A couple of sniffs with a two-second burn _ _   
_ _ The return is worth every bit _ _   
_ _ Trust me kids, this is powerful, powder-ful shit, sit _ _   
_ _ Watch what I come with! Watch-wa-wa-watch what I come with _ _   
_ _ On it! The way that I'm on _ _   
_ _ You suckers and fuckers gonna love how you gone! You're golden _ _   
_ _ Secret scenes unfoldin', you feelin' and boldin' _ _   
_ _ You tuckin' and rollin' _ _   
_ _ You're part of the action, but standing apart _ _   
_ _ You're fast as a fraction; the fact is attraction _ _   
_ _ Is on 'til dawn, but don't overtake it _ _   
_ _ High on the stakes when you find that you wake in a 'K' hole _ _   
_ _ Like the world gone bad _ _   
_ _ Worse than the worst shit that you've ever had _ _   
_ _ Your take ain't fake, shakin' and stir _ _   
_ _ Your life is a prison and your vision is blurred _ _   
_ _ You're beggin and buggin, cuz your soul is so lonely _ _   
_ _ Your only defense is the fact that you know me _ _   
_ _ I got your back, but I won't babysit _ _   
_ _ I don't need that shit _ _   
_ _ Exhibit B: _ _   
_ _ 'G'! Comes clear, but I colored it blue _ _   
_ _ So you won't use the 'thought it was water' excuse _ _   
_ _ Liquid X is in effect, but that's the formal name _ _   
_ _ Take it out once and you're never the same _ _   
_ _ All my ladies! _

JORDAN, ESTHER AND LEXI   
Huh?

NICK   
All my ladies?

JORDAN, ESTHER AND LEXI  
Yeah… 

NICK  
To my fellas!

JAMES, ALISTAIR AND TAI  
Yeah?

NICK  
To my fellas!

JAMES, ALISTAIR AND TAI   
Yeah… 

NICK   
_ Pay attention my friends, cuz class is in session _ _   
_ _ A lesson won't lessen, so take the point that I'm stressin' _ _   
_ _ This is stronger than 'K', overdose ain't a joke _ _   
_ _ Too much is a coma and you're certain to choke _ _   
_ _ So show me you care, and party hardy aware _ _   
_ _ I ain't draggin' your ass home if you fail to beware _ _   
_ _ It's fun for all y'all, and all for fun _ _   
_ _ But keep in mind, remember rule number one: _ _   
_ _ I know you know X, this shit has limits _ _   
_ _ Play the game playa, but play to stay in it...UGH _

NICK jumps off of the table and into JAMES’s arms, who quickly puts him down.

LEXI   
Don't do that when I take you home… 

NICK   
So? Are you in or not?

TAI   
_ What time? _

NICK  
_ We'd have to leave by nine…  _

LEXI   
Come on, it'll be fun.

TAI   
_ Well I don't know _ , maybe… 

JORDAN  
[flirtatiously] Maybe?

TAI wraps an arm around JORDAN.

TAI   
You guys suck…  _ Alright I'll go… _

They cheer as the music ends, QUENTIN applauding and stepping forward as the CAST move towards the front of the stage, breathing heavily and congratulating each other.

QUENTIN  
Guys, that was incredible. And… yeah, I think we’re done for the day! See you all on Friday.

As everyone starts to disperse and pack their things up, LIZ walks over to JAMES, smiling widely.

LIZ  
Hey!

JAMES  
You move really quickly. And silently.

LIZ  
Thanks! Mary was really good at hide and seek as a kid, so I had to learn stealth to get better.

JAMES  
Fun story. How are you?

LIZ  
Good, great! You-- You were really good. On the-- Performing.

JAMES looks down, smiling.

JAMES  
I had like, one line.

LIZ  
Yeah, but it was a really  _ good  _ one line!

JAMES  
If we’re gonna start talking about the performance, you were definitely a more important part than I was.

LIZ smiles.

LIZ  
I-- Oh, shut up.

JAMES  
I kinda have to, but that’s only because I have practice soon. However, I’ll be back and I’ll have you know I’m capable of arguing for over 6 hours.

LIZ  
That is very impressive, good sir. Why-- Why did I say that? I’m sorry.

JAMES  
No, it’s-- It’s okay. I really have to go, though. But you know, I’ll see you later, I have eyes.

LIZ  
You do, they’re very nice. 

JAMES  
Don’t make me start another argument.

LIZ  
Okay, I won’t.

JAMES kisses her cheek, then walks off.

Pan to JORDAN, who is standing just inside the door with WREN and LEXI (chatting), and has been watching the whole exchange. LIZ smiles at her hopefully, and she tries to smile back but can’t quite manage it - it looks somewhat like her perpetual tired expression.

CUT TO:

EXT. JAKE’S STREET - EARLY EVENING

ALISTAIR, JAKE, SANDY and ESTHER are walking towards JAKE’s house, JAKE and SANDY holding hands, but not very interested in talking to each other - it’s more nerves about the others’ presence than lack of connection.

JAKE  
I’m so glad the show is back on. I-- I mean, I’ve been reading about it, it’s really important. You know, the show. In the culture.

ALISTAIR  
[twirls his hair] Wow, Jake, you’re so woke.

JAKE  
Shut up, I’m trying to be an intellectual!

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, with theatre, that’s so smart of you, theatre is what makes the world go round!

JAKE  
James says theatre kids have--

ALISTAIR  
Don’t listen to James, he tells so many lies.

JAKE  
Just say you hate jocks and leave. Just kidding, I don’t want you to leave. That-- That wouldn’t be nice.

ALISTAIR nods, laughing a bit nervously, as we pan to SANDY and ESTHER, who are chatting in an awkward, stilted manner on the other side of the pavement. 

ESTHER  
So, um… how are the, um… how are the sets going?

SANDY  
Pretty good, I guess. Just a lot of crosses to paint. [she laughs] It’s like being in church.

ESTHER  
Well, that’s the vibe we’re going for, I guess.

SANDY  
Cool. Um… I mean, if you ever fancy coming in a bit early and giving me a hand, that would be cool. I mean, you’re totally welcome.

ESTHER smiles at her, raising her eyebrows, as they arrive in front of JAKE’s house. 

JAKE  
We’ll just… head inside now.

ALISTAIR  
See you tomorrow.

JAKE  
I shall count the seconds until then.

ALISTAIR nervously laughs.

ALISTAIR  
I would too, but… Can’t count. Darn.

There’s an awkward laugh all around and a pause.

JAKE  
We should really go now, my mum’s expecting us for dinner.

SANDY  
Yeah… See you at school.

ESTHER  
Yeah, see you.

ESTHER and ALISTAIR both smile and wave, but JAKE and SANDY don’t go into the house straightaway. There are a few seconds of awkward silence, before JAKE and SANDY also wave and walk up the driveway, still holding hands, not looking back. ESTHER and ALISTAIR look at each other and walk away.

FADE TO:

INT. SCIENCE CLASSROOM - AFTERNOON

JAMES and LIZ are sat opposite each other at a desk in the middle of the otherwise empty classroom. As LIZ leans over to point out things in the textbook, she makes a conscious effort to look up and catch JAMES’ eye.

JAMES  
I think I got this part down. I’m pretty sure I did.

LIZ  
Great! You’re really good at this.

JAMES  
I wouldn’t say that, considering I’m still failing.

LIZ  
Come on, you’re getting better for sure.

JAMES  
I know I can be a difficult student to work with. I do. But you know, you’re just… Really patient and all. So thanks. For not kicking me out.

LIZ  
Yeah, of course. It’s fun. I like a challenge.

JAMES  
I… Like… You.

LIZ laughs, looking down.

LIZ  
That’s cool, I-- I like that. You. You are, um, you’re that. That I like.

JAMES  
I should probably head home.

LIZ  
Yeah, do-- Do you want me to walk you or…?

JAMES  
Thanks, but I’d really rather walk alone. It’s just, studying really drains me, and I need some quiet time. But I’ll text you.

LIZ  
Okay, cool! That’s-- That’s cool! Have fun!

JAMES smiles at her and starts to pack up his things into his bag. LIZ watches, trying to understand her feelings.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL HALL - AFTERNOON

SANDY is kneeling on the stage, painting a large wooden cross with black paint, her long sleeves rolled up. She’s concentrating, and doesn’t look up immediately after ESTHER comes in.

ESTHER  
You’re here early.

SANDY  
[not looking up] I said I would be.

As ESTHER walks onto the stage to join her, SANDY finally looks up, jumping up without using her hands.

ESTHER  
Well, it’s good to see someone’s taking this seriously. You, um… you said you wanted some help?

SANDY  
Yeah. That’d be great. Just… basically, I need to stand this up and paint the top edges without getting anything on the stage, so if you could…?

ESTHER tries to help her stand the cross up against the back of the stage, but SANDY ends up doing most of the work. ESTHER laughs awkwardly and gets a stepladder from backstage.

ESTHER  
You know, I’m not absolutely chill with heights so I’m just… going to… 

She struggles to place the stepladder in front of the cross, as SANDY stares at her work.

SANDY  
Well, you stand on a chair all the time. [pause] Don’t worry. I’ve got you.

ESTHER  
Okay-- Alright, I can do that… I think. You better fucking not let go.

SANDY  
[flexing her arms] Please…

ESTHER  
[climbing up the ladder] Show off.

SANDY hands her the paintbrush and then grabs the sides of the ladder, starting to look more comfortable. 

SANDY  
Hey, I’ve got the power here, haven’t I?

ESTHER  
So I probably shouldn’t ask what’s going on with you and Jake, should I?

SANDY just grips the ladder tighter, staying silent, looking down.

ESTHER  
You okay?

SANDY  
Yeah, yeah, just… Paint. Very stressful. Try to put it in one place, it goes another.

She awkwardly laughs.

ESTHER  
Very subtle. Um… 

SANDY  
Yeah…

There’s a long, awkward pause as they paint.

SANDY  
Maybe it’s a bit more than paint.

ESTHER  
We don’t need to go through this again if you don’t want to.

SANDY  
Don’t we?

ESTHER  
I don’t really have much else to say. I’m shit at this.

SANDY  
No. I, um… I just don’t know how to talk to Jake. You know. Obviously. Obviously I don’t.

ESTHER  
Well, you do need to.

SANDY  
But I don’t want to.

ESTHER  
Sandy, I know you’re going through a lot, but like… you don’t know what’s going on with him. Your relationship might mean a lot to him. Or more than it does to you.

SANDY  
It does mean a lot to me! 

ESTHER  
Okay, sure… 

SANDY  
[letting go of the ladder] It does!

ESTHER trips and falls, dropping the paintbrush. SANDY catches her just before she hits the ground.

SANDY  
Shit. Shit, I’m sorry.

ESTHER  
[standing up] No, it’s fine. I’m sorry - I shouldn’t have pushed you like that. Fuck… the paint. Ah, shit.

She picks up the paintbrush and returns it to the bucket as AMELIA and EMMA enter.

AMELIA  
Nobody else here yet?

ESTHER shakes her head, glancing nervously at SANDY. EMMA and AMELIA share a confused look, and AMELIA turns back.

AMELIA  
Well, I do have an idea.

EMMA   
It’s a  _ very _ good idea.

SANDY raises her eyebrows.

ESTHER  
Okay… What’s your idea?

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL HALL - AFTERNOON

AMELIA, EMMA and QUENTIN are now standing on stage, the rest of the CAST watching with mild confusion.

AMELIA  
A bake sale!

From behind her, EMMA smiles and QUENTIN gives a little cheer. Pan to the unimpressed teenage faces in front of them.

QUENTIN  
Come on, guys! It’ll be a good way to increase popularity, and a little extra money won’t hurt.

LEXI  
That’s what they said before the Wall Street Crash.

EMMA  
I’d like to see a little more enthusiasm here, especially after what happened with James and Quentin. You all know we need some good press.

JORDAN  
Are a few cupcakes really going to save us?

WREN  
If they’re really good cupcakes!

NICK  
Ladies, everything is fine! I have this old family recipe with a surprise ingredient that will have everyone coming back for more!

JAMES  
You wanna waste the weed on those people? Really?

EMMA  
Kids, if you’re doing drugs, please don’t say it in front of us. Anyways, any serious baking volunteers?

LIZ  
Not me. Not after last time.

LEXI  
Yeah. One time I tried to make bread. 

There’s a pause.

TAI  
Is-- Is that it?

LEXI  
Yeah. Mind your own business.

ESTHER  
Oh my god… Me and Al can do it.

ALISTAIR  
We can? 

ESTHER   
I can, you can watch. 

JAMES  
Can I help?

JORDAN  
[raising her eyebrows] I don’t know…  _ can  _ you?

TAI  
Okay, dude. I love you, but we all know anything you’d make would taste like shit.

JAMES  
Do you want my next dish to be crab? I’ll help.

ESTHER  
Great!

SANDY  
This is just like Bake Off. 

ESTHER  
In what way is this anything like Bake Off?

SOPHIE   
Baking… Drama… Two women presenters… Beautiful.

JAKE  
You are so right.

SANDY laughs awkwardly. QUENTIN suddenly claps and jumps off the stage, trying to diffuse the tension.

QUENTIN  
Wonderful! You can do it at my apartment, because I do not care about mess, and I am  _ not _ your teacher!

_ COMMERCIAL BREAK _

FADE TO:

INT. QUENTIN’S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON

As JAMES preheats the oven, ALISTAIR and ESTHER look around, half in awe, half in confusion, still wearing their coats and backpacks. QUENTIN is in the process of leaving.

QUENTIN  
Alright, fellas, I’m off. Avoid arson, but I won’t prosecute you for it.

JAMES  
Thanks, Q, see you later.

QUENTIN grins and leaves. Once they’re gone, the atmosphere is somehow even more awkward.

JAMES  
Teacher’s gone, let’s establish communism.

ALISTAIR laughs, as him and ESTHER start to relax and toss their coats and bags onto the sofa.

ESTHER  
Mmkay, where’s the toilet here?

JAMES  
Esther, this flat is tiny. I think you can find it.

ESTHER  
Alright, fine!

She flips him off sarcastically as she turns a corner into the only other section of the flat.

JAMES  
Can I ask you something?

ALISTAIR  
Legally, yes. Physically, yes. In many ways, yes.

JAMES  
Okay, yeah. Uh, why did you leave the party early?

ALISTAIR  
I-- I was just, you know, getting kind of bored. Tired and shit. You know how-- how it can be.

JAMES  
I do know how it can be. But I don’t know, it’s just-- I feel like something is wrong. Is it?

ALISTAIR  
No! No, not at all, you haven’t done anything, it’s all fine and cool and chill and awesome!

JAMES  
I never said I’ve done something. But now I’m pretty sure I did. Can’t we just talk about things?

ALISTAIR laughs, a little forced.

ALISTAIR  
There aren’t any “things” to talk about, nothing’s happened!

JAMES  
Okay, alright. I don’t wanna push you.

He starts tapping his fingers on the counter quickly.

JAMES  
Which is why I propose we try a different approach.

ALISTAIR  
Okay? What is it?

JAMES  
You’re going to punch me in the face.

ALISTAIR  
What? Like-- You’re fucking--  _ What _ ?!

JAMES  
Yeah, you know. Talking is boring, it’s emotionally draining, and you can’t always find words. Punching however is very straightforward, takes like a few seconds and gets things done. So you’re going to punch me in the face. Problem solved.

ALISTAIR  
Um, first of all, I am not going to be doing that, I do not believe in doing violence and this is-- What the fuck, this is not your brightest idea, Mr Cohen.

JAMES  
I disagree. Punch me. [chanting] Punch me, punch me, punch me, punch me!

ALISTAIR covers his ears with his hands and screams.

JAMES  
Come on, there are people who would kill for the opportunity to punch me!

ALISTAIR  
People like you, maybe!

JAMES  
Punch me!

ALISTAIR closes his eyes, screams, and tries to punch the air. He fails. JAMES falls to the ground. ESTHER walks back in and gasps.

ESTHER  
Hey, what the fuck just happened?

ALISTAIR  
He told me to punch him!

ESTHER  
And you did?!

ALISTAIR  
Yeah!

JAMES slowly gets up.

JAMES  
So, cupcakes huh? Muffins with frosting.

ESTHER  
That’s literally not what they are.

JAMES takes a large bowl from a cupboard above him and puts it on the counter on top of some scales.

ALISTAIR  
I have no fucking clue what those things are.

ESTHER  
I  _ know  _ you have seen a bowl before.

ALISTAIR  
No. Never. Don’t know, don’t wanna know.

JAMES  
Okay, fuckers, let’s get going.

As he starts to get more ingredients from the cupboards and fridge, ALISTAIR takes out his phone and scrolls through it.

He selects a song from it, smiling as it begins to play. He begins to sing the backing vocals to “What Baking Can Do” from Waitress as ESTHER grins at him.

ESTHER  
_ Make it work  
_ _ Make it easy  
_ _ Make it clever, craft it into pieces  
_ _ Make it sweet  
_ _ Crimp the edges  
_ _ Or make it sour and serve with lemon wedges _

She starts to weigh out butter into the bowl, as JAMES does the same in a second bowl.

ESTHER and ALISTAIR  
_ Even doubt  
_ _ Can be delicious _

ALISTAIR pours sugar into ESTHER’s bowl, and she starts to mix it together.

ESTHER  
_ And it washes off of all the dirty dishes  
_ _ When it's done  
_ _ I can smile  
_ _ It's on someone else's plate for a while  
_ _ I'll place it on display _

ESTHER and ALISTAIR  
_ And then I'll slice and serve my worries away _

ESTHER and JAMES (with ALISTAIR)  
_ (I) can fix this _

JAMES (with ESTHER)  
_ I can twist it into sugar, (butter) covered pieces  
_ _ Never mind what's underneath it  
_ _ I have done it before  
_ _ I'll bake me a door to help me get through  
_ _ I learned that from you _

JAMES and ESTHER  
_ (Mama, it's amazing what baking can do) _

JAMES  
_ Make it up _

ESTHER  
_ And surprise them _

JAMES  
_ Tell them all my secrets but disguise them _

ESTHER  
_ So they dance on the tongues  
_ _ Of the very people that they're secrets from _

JAMES  
_ Make it soon _

ESTHER  
_ Make it better _

JAMES  
_ Though, better never lasts forever _

ESTHER  
_ I'll make it small so it fits  
_ _ Even this _

JAMES  
_ Even now _

ESTHER  
_ Even as the walls come tumbling down _

JAMES  
_ Even as I can't stop remembering how _

JAMES and ALISTAIR  
_ Every door we ever made _

ALISTAIR  
_ We never once walked out  
_ _ Something I never got the chance to ask her about  
_ _ So with flour on my hands  
_ _ I'll show them all how  
_ _ Goddamn happy I am _

JAMES  
_ Sugar _

ESTHER  
_ Butter _

ALISTAIR  
_ Flour _

ESTHER, ALISTAIR and JAMES  
_ Don't let me down!  
_ _ Let's see the next amazing thing baking does now _

As the song fades out, the room going silent, ALISTAIR smiles, dumbfounded, at JAMES, as ESTHER slowly, silently doles her cake mixture into cupcake cases.

JAMES  
Jessie Mueller has a really nice voice, doesn’t she? I like Sara, but she’s just more Jenna. It’s the vibe.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, absolutely. But you have to acknowledge Stephanie Torns, she’s been an understudy since Original Broadway and she’s just amazing. Not that I have seen illegal material.

JAMES  
Okay, first of all, I’m about to turn you in to the authorities. Second, bold of you to assume I know what any of those words mean.

ALISTAIR  
[tenderly] You’re so fucking stupid.

JAMES  
I’m gonna throw some of these at Tai tomorrow.

ALISTAIR  
But he’s polite.

JAMES  
I don’t need a reason. You know how it be, the sun rises, waves do their thing, I get worse by the day.

ESTHER slams the oven door, both trays of cupcakes now inside.

ESTHER  
Yep.

ALISTAIR   
That went well! Thank you for doing all of the work, Esther!

JAMES  
See, that’s not true, I think I was very pretty the whole time.

ESTHER  
You were!

ALISTAIR  
From a technical standpoint.

JAMES  
I knew I could count on you two for the validation. Come here.

They all hug.

ESTHER   
[muffled] We need to check the cakes.

JAMES  
Shh, if they burn, my love for you both will burn brighter.

ALISTAIR  
Guys, we can’t do arson. Mx said so.

FADE TO:

INT. HOSPITAL - EVENING

JAKE is sitting on a chair beside DAVID’s hospital bed, SANDY standing awkwardly behind him, not sure what to do with herself. CHRISTINE is sitting on the other side of the bed.

DAVID  
I am so glad you two are back together. When you broke up, your mother cried for days on end about how she would never have grandchildren!

Everyone laughs weakly.

CHRISTINE  
[softly, teasing] You make me sound so shallow, David… 

Another quiet laugh from everyone.

DAVID  
You know, Sandy, I still remember when you used to come to our house every day just to talk to Jake. It’s a pity, really… I probably won’t be around to see you get married.

CHRISTINE turns away.

JAKE  
Dad! Don’t talk like that!

DAVID  
I’m sorry, you know I’d love to see you get married. You know I’ll try to, but there is always a chance…

SANDY  
I’m sure you’ll be better in no time, Mr Love.

DAVID  
I hope so. I want to see you and Jake acting live instead of having his mother record it for once.

JAKE  
And you will… I know you will.

DAVID  
Well, I’ll try.

JAKE  
Mum, will you be able to make it to opening night?

CHRISTINE  
Of course, I’ll film it and everything.

JAKE smiles at her, and grabs her hand from across the bed. He holds his hand out to SANDY, behind him. She looks down, at CHRISTINE, DAVID, JAKE, then takes it.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

JAMES and ALISTAIR are walking together. ALISTAIR staying on the other side of the pavement from JAMES.

JAMES  
I don’t bite, you know.

ALISTAIR  
[nervously laughing] Liz says otherwise… Bro.

JAMES  
That’s different, she likes it.

ALISTAIR  
How do you know I won’t? Ah, that is-- That was a very bad sentence, I’m very sorry, I-- I didn’t mean anything, um, [nervously laughs] sexy, I just-- Yeah.

JAMES  
Are we close?

ALISTAIR  
Uh, what?

JAMES  
To your house? Where we’re walking to?

ALISTAIR  
Oh, uh, yeah. We-- We should be. Getting closer. Over the time of the walk.

JAMES  
If you want me to stop talking, that’s fine. And I mean that.

ALISTAIR  
No, I like hearing you talk.

He nervously laughs, not wanting to backtrack again.

JAMES  
I think we should’ve gone for lemon meringue. It’s light, it has the sour-sweet contrast and it’s just generally good.

ALISTAIR  
According to Mr Off, first name Bake, it’s hard. Haha, literally, like the-- like the meringue tip thingies.

JAMES  
If you bake it, yeah. But I like the toasted texture better, which is what you’d have to do if you want to make, you know, cupcakes with it.

ALISTAIR  
That sounds nice! Baked things can be bad in the mouth. Um, sorry. Not just for always saying terrible, terrible things, but for, you know, making you do this. You could obviously be doing much grander things, and I support you in that.

JAMES  
I volunteered to be here. I mean, if I didn’t, I was just gonna spend the entire night getting high and rewatching Friends or something. 

ALISTAIR  
God, I hate straight people so much.

JAMES laughs a little.

JAMES  
Okay, maybe I wanted an excuse to hang out with you two.

ALISTAIR  
You can just ask, Esther loves you so much! She has called you her brother several times.

JAMES  
She did?!

He clears his throat.

JAMES  
[calmer] She did? Cool.

ALISTAIR laughs.

ALISTAIR  
God, you’re adorable. I, um-- Yes, she did. Oh, look, it’s me! Me house, my-- My house. The house… of mine.

JAMES  
Yes, the house. The house for you. The house chosen especially for you to live in it. Your house. That house?

ALISTAIR laughs.

ALISTAIR  
Thank you, big, stupid chef man.

JAMES  
So, uh, I’m just gonna head back, alright? Have a good night.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, you too! Thanks for, you know, walking.

JAMES  
Of course. Anytime you need.

ALISTAIR nods, standing there awkwardly for a moment before walking towards his house, JAMES walking away. A car pulls into the driveway and MONICA steps out, ALISTAIR walking a bit quicker.

MONICA  
Kelly!

ALISTAIR forces a smile.

ALISTAIR  
Hi, Mum.

MONICA  
Who was that young man you were talking to? You seemed rather… close.

ALISTAIR nervously laughs.

ALISTAIR  
What?

MONICA  
I’m not mad, just confused. Come in, we’ll talk about it. You’ll have to invite him to dinner, of course! And… Oh, I’m so happy for you! I was starting to think you were a lesbian.

MONICA pulls him inside as he looks extremely anxious and confused, laughing nervously.

_ FADE TO BLACK _

_ END OF EPISODE _


End file.
